It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
