he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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