so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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