I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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