Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
