I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
