Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
