nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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