i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
the liver wants what the liver wants
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
