she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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