Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Randomize
