Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
