Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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