if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
