I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
