guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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