Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize