TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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