two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
