guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
