she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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