So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
