i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
