He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
