it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
