im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
