So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
