2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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