Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
