just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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