Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
