How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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