dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
