Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't deserve a penis
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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