oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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