When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
