Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
