Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
