He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
