U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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