If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
