Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
