We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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