dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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