I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
