Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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