So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
