did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
