Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
