She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
not ubering you a puppy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
