i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
