On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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