the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
