U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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