I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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