I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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