is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
