i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize