we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
