I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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