its not stalking. its research.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
