You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
