You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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