i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
