i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
