Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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