We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize