my shit smells like andre
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Can I color on your dick again?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
