Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
