Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
