Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
