If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
this hospital has no fireball
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
