Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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