it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
