Jerry, you need to find god
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
