Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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