May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
