i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
